| This image tears me up inside... |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|07:57 am] |
Such a tiny little famished hand. Makes me think what it must be like to be the parent of a child starving overseas. I don't know what I'd do in that situation... |
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| Pets & the Big Sleep |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|07:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | predatory | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Out of Spirits- Rotting Christ | ] |
Just read Wil Wheaton's entry over at Wilwheaton.net about his ailing cats and his conversations with his vet about potentially having to put them to sleep. Made me think about my pets over the years....
I grew up in Nottingham New Hampshire- a very rural town- lots of woods, ponds, swamps and rocky cliffs. My parents are very down-to-earth people, also New Hampshire natives. As a result, we take a very practical viewpoint on a lot of things- especially pets.
Basically, we have always gotten our pets from either friends or the pound and always as puppies/kittens. We've never spent a cent on buying an animal and we've always taken them in when they were very young, that way we the only thing we invest in them is (besides our love) time in training them properly. We've never taken an animal to a vet. I know that sounds horrible, but we've always taken great care of our pets- our dogs have all lived to be at least 13. The cats would've lived longer if my dad didnt hate them so much- more on that sometime in the future.
Wil's blog entry struck a chord with me as I've always loved animals and when it comes to having them put to sleep, I've unfortunately had some lousy experiences.
My dad was in the US Navy, and consequently, was away for alot of my childhood. Being the eldest male, alot of tasks that would normally have gone to the dad, fell to me to undertake.
At one point we had quite a flock of birds at home- turkeys, chickens and 3 ducks- a mallard duck, Adelaide and two big white ducks named Huey & Duey. They all lived in together in a large shed/chicken house with a door that led to a fenced in yard that bordered on a pond that the ducks could swim out beyond the fence onto.
Well, we had often had a problem with foxes. Occasionally I'd go down to the chicken house before school and there would be the mangled remains of a chicken in their yard. Didn't happen often, but was pretty nasty when it did. We always thought the ducks were safe, as they were so much larger and nastier than the chickens, disposition-wise. They apparently weren't safe.
One early fall morning during my 8th grade school year I woke up, dressed and yawning made my way down to the chicken house. The pre-sunrise air was crisp and cool and early morning fog draped the ground. The trees were just beginning to lose their leaves and all was quiet until decended the hill to the chicken house. I was instantly struck by a godawful noise coming from inside. I quickly entered the chicken house to find our birds flapping around and squawking in a panic. In the middle of the floor, Adelaide lay mangled and dying- torn apart and partially eaten alive by a fox. I ran out into the chicken yard and Huey and Duey were there. Both of them had also been attacked and chewed on. Duey had lost most of one wing and was a mass of blood and feathers. Huey was missing his lower jaw and was also torn up on his back, crimson blood spattered and soaking his normally snow-white feathers.
I dropped my feed bucket which I'd been carrying and ran back through the field to our house. "Mom! Mom! A fox has gotten at the chickens and ducks! Adelaide is dead and the other two are all torn up! What do we do!?!". My Mom, to her credit, was juggling working as a nurse and taking care of three VERY rambunctious little boys. She was caught mid-school lunch prep when I burst into the kitchen. "Let me get my jacket and lets go take a look Danny." Leaving my two brothers to finish their breakfast, my mom slipped her coat over her bathrobe and went down the hill to the chicken coop with me.
Looking over the scene of carnage my mom, being a nurse, quickly asessed the situation. "Danny, do you have any shells for your .22?", refering to my .22 caliber Marlin hunting rifle. "Yes, mom.", I said. "Danny, you are going to have to put Huey and Duey out of their misery." "Yes, mom.", I said again. My mom patted me on the shoulder and then went back up the house to finish preparations for getting her boys off to school.
I went back to the house as well, climbed the stairs to my bedroom on the 2nd floor and looked at the gunrack in my room. I don't know if its the same nationwide, but guns are, or were anyways, a ritual of growing up as a child in rural New England. I got my first rifle in the 6th grade for Christmas. My dad, in between being out to sea, indoctrinated me in the care and upkeep and safety precautions of firearms. It was a big deal, in that it was a rite of passage. I had become old and mature enough to be given custody of something that could potentially deal out death. The only stupid thing I've ever done with any gun was that Christmas morning. After an initial orientation with my rifle, I went outside ala "Christmas-story-red-rider-bb-gun-style" and took my new .22 with me. I promptly spied a Chickadee and shot it. The small bird made not a sound as it fell into the snow at the bottom of the tree it had been happily singing in when I crept up on it. I felt terrible. One moment, I was on a sugar and gift high from Christmas. The next, I realized I'd been the instrument of death for a small, innocent, beautiful bird. I think everyone who uses guns for hunting does something stupid like this as a kid. It changes you. It changed me. I've been hunting hundreds of times throughout the years since, acquired several more guns, and I've never shot a non-hunting animal again. Never will.
Anyways, back to the fox in the chicken coop story. I picked my .22 off the gunrack, grabbed a box of shells and walked downstairs through the kitchen, escorted by a chorus of "what's danny doing? where's he going with his gun?" from my two little brothers eating their cereal at the kitchen table. I walked down the hill to the coop, entered the yard and moved towards Huey and Duey.
The ducks were obviously in a lot of pain. They were breathing heavily and letting out these terrible, indescribable duck-in-pain noises. These ducks had been family pets since they were little ducklings. We had them not so much for food production, like the egg laying hens, or the close to Thanksgiving turkeys, but solely for pets. Their beautiful white feathers added contrast to the yard and pond. We spent many hours during the summer on our back porch, watching the ducks swim placidly in the pond, and waddling around looking for their dinner. They would eat grain out of our hands. While they weren't on par with say one of our dogs, we just felt better having them around. They added a calming feel to our lives- just knowing and seeing these comical little creatures wandering around, quacking and always looking for food.
I cornered the two ducks in a corner of the chicken yard. Neither was very active at this point- both of them just quacking and breathing heavily and looking at me with this wild look in their eyes. I brought out the box of shells from my coat pocket and loaded the rifles magazine, popped it into the gun and brought it up to my shoulder. I aimed at the first ducks blood spattered head and squeezed the trigger. *BAM* A second time at the other duck. *BAM* Both of our pets now lay, lifeless at my feet. Imprinted on my mind forever is that wild look of terror/pain in each ducks eye as I pulled the trigger.
I had to get ready for school, as I was already running late. I brought the two white ducks and Adelaide into an area of the chicken house used for storage and put them in an empty grain sack. I then hurried back up to the house to finish the morning pre-school routine. My mom gave me a few odd, sorrowful looks as she got me off to the bus. The day went by in a daze.
That evening, our ducks had a somber, tearful burial ceremony in the back yard, presided over by mom. My two brothers clutched at her and cried while I lowered the grain sack into a freshly dug shallow grave. |
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| I HATE censorship |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|11:11 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Listening to the Dark Crystal | ] |
Was driving in to work this morning and was reminded by the radio about something that really ticked me off. Last thursday was Veterans Day. To honor Veterans, the local ABC affiliates were going to run "Saving Private Ryan"- considered by many vets who were actually there on the beaches of Normandy, to be one of the most accurate depictions of how it felt to actually be there. Great film albeit, I agree alot of the scenes, especially the beginning, are DEFINITELY not appropriate for kids. Well, due to the FCC being such restrictive assholes, the ABC affiliates decided to cave in and not air the film, as they did not want to be fined for showing programing that was inappropriate for kids before 10pm!
Well, this pisses me off on two levels.
1. That the networks don't have the balls to stand up to the government. What the hell happened to free speech? What the hell happened to just turning the freaking channel? If I see something on tv that either offends me or I just simply do not want to watch, I change the channel. Shows you just how far our free speech rights have fallen along the wayside.
2. Pisses me off that the Freaking FCC has THAT much power over us. Who the hell are they to determine what I can and cannot watch/listen to on TV or the radio? You know, I've got an almost 3 year old son, and rather than write or call into a TV station and tell them they should not air certain programs, I just exercise my right and judgement by either changing the channel or shutting the tv off. Pretty much the FCC has now taken that off my hands- they now determine what I can and cannot view on tv or the radio. Disturbing.
By now everyone has heard about shock-jock Howard Stern and how hes been fined up the ass by the FCC. To the point that when his contract expires, hes going off the radiowaves and moving to XM satellite radio. Now, I'm not a fan of HS. His stuff doesn't offend me, just bores me pretty much. I mean some of his occasionally gets a chuckle out of me, but mostly his bits are stuff that 12-13 year old boys would find titilating. However, I support his right to say/do what the hell he pleases on air. A real shame that hes going off the radio. Hes not alone in this- alot of popular DJs/acts are making the move to satellite. Pretty much a universal trend as radio stations are now just corporate money-making tools. You occasionally get your decent college radio site, but very rarely. Everything on commercial radio just sucks complete ass- just a tool by the music industry to push sales of terrible music. I mean come on- can anyone think of a tune, played widely on commercial radio, that will ever live to be considered a "classic"? I can't. Its all crap. Anything good being done in music is underground and/or on the internet/satellite radio.
I think what we are going to see at some point in the future is the death of radio and broadcast television. Its already happening. The big networks are losing marketshare and losing money. Same with radio which has been dying off for years. What we are going to have is a culture where the haves- have access to premium, decent programming, films and music choices via services such as XM satellite radio and satellite tv. And we'll have an underclass who only get the censored, commercialized drek of standard TV and radio. Already there, but I think we are going to see this lead to extremes in the not too distant future.
I occasionally still listen to the radio- mostly rock 101 here in southern New Hampshire. Not for the music, which is all this terrible nu-metal shite. Pretty much just for the morning buzz talk show on there. Trying to find news on the radio is a pretty tough thing to do. Only thing consistant is NPR, which is a bit too liberal in their reporting practices for me- too skewed to one side.
At home I've got satellite tv- not really by choice but because its the ONLY option if I want to have TV at all. I live out the in the sticks and its the only way to get TV of any kind. I subscribe to HBO & TIVO. HBO and a few other pay-for channels have the only content really worth viewing anymore. They, as they are pay-for networks, have alot more leniency where the FCC is concerned and they still take risks. Great documentaries, home-made series etc.
Like I said, I still on occasion listen to the radio. But I've got an iPod and thats where I get my music fix- thousands of mp3s converted from my cds and some music downloaded from Apple's iTunes store (i don't really believe in the illegal sharing of music- did some in the past but I stopped)but there is nothing like music served up by a dj- a good dj can breathe life into a song list. I'm thinking about getting XM as I hear all sorts of great feedback from people I know who use it- new unheard of songs, creativity, interesting talk. We'll see. I think its probably the way to go. Heaven knows commercial radio is going down the tubes... |
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| Election day- who the hell do we vote for? |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|11:50 am] |
Its here. That day we've been hearing about on TV for months and months on end. Election day.
I've got pretty mixed feelings about it. Still haven't completely made up my mind about who is going to get my vote. I'm leaving work in about 10 minutes or so to go cast it.
I've got three trains of thought on the whole issue.
1. What the fuck does it matter anyways? A politician is a politician. They all suck serious ass. Anyone who wants to be a politician is just in it for personal gain. I hates em all I do. Anyone we elect is just going to be an ass- doesnt matter what their name is. The mere fact that they are running means they are in it for personal gain. At this point, its a choice between the lesser of two evils- which candidate (and there are only two- Nader isn't a viable candidate) is going to fuck things up less than the other.
2. Bush- Man, the guy is an ignoramus. Last election he got my vote, as he was the lesser of two evils then. I'm not so sure hes going to get it this time. He handled 911 pretty well- up until he invaded Iraq because he wanted to finish his dads business. He seemed like a benevolent grandparent, comforting the nation immediately after the disaster. But man, did he screw the pooch by invading Iraq. I mean, Iraq had to go at some point, but he did it in totally the wrong fashion. Shouldve bided his time, gained support from the international community, and took Saddam out of office that way. Instead, what a cluster fuck. I've got some friends over there now- one in fact going over for his THIRD tour! I'm so glad I'm in the over 34 year crowd- no draft for me- not that I REALLY think that is going to happen.
Bush just "feels" all wrong- being from Oil money, upper class (not that Kerry is not), no military experience (can't count that National Guard crap) a life of privelege. That and he can't talk himself out of a paper bag. The guy is an idiot. A puppet for Cheney.
3. Kerry- Well, sorry to say it- but I do not trust nor want anyone from Massachusetts in the White House. No offense meant to anyone currently living there- most of you guys are transplants from New Hampshire. I don't like the Massachusetts attitude, never have, never will. Yeah, he went to Nam and got some medals. Thats in his favor. And anyone sane is against war. So I'm cool with that. What I am against however is where he comes from and what hes wrapped up in- BIG money, corporations etc. That and all I hear about his work ethic REALLY bugs me- no shows for votes, flip flops on votes. Where does he stand on things?
I guess it boils down to this-
Two candidates, one you know is incompetant and a puppet for corporations and the oil industy, and another candidate who may be competant, but you have no idea whether what he stands for today, will be the same as tomorrow and is also in the pocket of the corporations and big money. We're fucked either way. |
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| Top 5 Scariest Movies |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|07:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Halloweenish | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Soundtrack to Halloween | ] |
So, Heard this on the radio this morning, and in the spirit of Halloween...
Whats your Top 5 Scariest Movies of all time, in your opinion?
Here's mine.
5. Rosemary's Baby
- Rosemarys baby is just creepy as all hell. Mainly due to the sweet passivitiy of Mia Farrow, and the annoying obtrusiveness of the Kravitzs, her next door neighbors. Not going to give any details away, but if you haven't seen this one- do it.
4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre- the new one
- The old one was good, but man, the new one rocks. Just a feeling of utter hopelessness in this one. And some of the shots in this film are incredible- especially the hitchhiker in the car and what happens to her.
3. The 9th Gate
- The lead up in this film is great. Can't say much about it, as I don't want to give anything away, but this was a really underappreciated film.
2. The Sixth Sense
- Some people say they figured this one out within the first 5 minutes of the film. Fine for them. I didnt' and oh man, what a ride! The part where the kid sees that other kid in his house- holy shit was that creepy!
1. The Exorcist
Nothing better than a little girl, posessed by the devil, projectile vomiting all over her bedroom while making lewd advances at a priest. There has to be more films like this. heheh
Probably a million more out there that I'm not remembering. These were the top five off the top of my head. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|11:04 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dimmu Borgir | ] |
Just went over to a friends blog and he was talking about the tricks he played on Halloween. Made me think of one Halloween, my junior year of High School.
I used to have this big Red Van. Inherited it from a washing machine repair company that was upgrading its fleet of trucks. It was big, bare and nasty looking. Had a spot on the side where that companys auto techs spray painted over the company logo. All in all- big, ugly, powerful. The inside was bereft of any creature comforts- two big captains chairs in the front, clad in vinyl. The rest was just a big cavernous interior. I added a loud stereo system and a back bench seat so friends could ride along with me.
Anyways, Halloween night. Around midnight. Me and 2 friends thought it would be cool to gather eggs, pumpkins and TP and go on a spree around three towns in the local area. We had collected next to the side door in my van, about 10 dozen eggs, maybe 10 average sized pumpkins and a case of tp.
We took off, nailed a couple spots and decided to head home- we still had a TON of stuff in the van and were a bit terrified of getting caught by the cops. So we headed home.
On the way back to our town, we passed by the house of this kid we hated in high school. Looking back on it, we were real assholes to pick on him. He was just trying to figure himself out like everyone else. Anyways...we pulled up to his house, opened up the side door of my van and unleashed. We emptied probably 5 dozen eggs into his house, I don't know how many rolls of TP went up into his trees, and smashed a couple good sized pumpkins on his doorstep. The place was trashed. The guys piled back into the van, slammed the door and we were off...
NOT!
I punched the gas pedal. Nothing- the engine just revved. Tried to move the stick into ANY of the other gears. Nothing. Dead. My transmission just died.
So I'm like "get out! push!" as it probably wouldnt be the best thing to get caught in front of someones house with a van full of pumpkin guts, egg containers and an empty case of TP.
So, my buds get out and start pushing. Luckily the direction we were headed in was downhill. We get probably about a mile down the road, me steering, them sweating and pushing. All of sudden- blue lights- A COP! So, he pulls me over hehhe and my friends kind of stand around near the rear of the van. Luckily this cop was a nice guy, he talks to them a little, and then places a call to my parents house. My dad answers and tells the cop that he'll be right there to pick us up. All the while the cop is talking on the radio and to me, the guys open up the side door to the van and dump all the incriminating evidence in the woods. We didnt get caught! My dad arrives, cop goes away, and we get a ride home without getting into trouble! That, was a close one. |
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| Wooooot! Halloween is a comming.... |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|02:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Halford | ] |
Man, I cannot freaking wait for Halloween! My favorite time of year. I'm not really sure why I'm so damn excited though- not like I'm doing anything. Probably will just end up hanging out at home watching the Great Pumpkin on TV. Not much exciting going on when you've got a youngster too young to really go out and do anything, and you live in the middle of the freaking woods- so no trick or treating in your neighborhood. We've been in our house for 3 years now, and not one trick or treater yet. Mixed blessing I guess....
Life is good right now. I manage a computer store and I've been getting TONS of side jobs of late. And I mean TONS! Good to have some positive cash flow going on in my life. Too many damn bills. I hate money. Actually, I dont hate money- just hate not having it.
Anyways, here's an obligatory pic of my little buddy. This is Jack- he'll be 3 years old in the middle of December. He REALLY gets into being a lion- growls and tries to claw you.
 </a> |
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| Ok, I said my LJ was dead. I lied... |
[Oct. 22nd, 2004|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | halloweenie | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Halloween Music | ] |
Ok, bringing it back to life. I still find myself occasionally perusing folks LJs and I just wouldnt feel right posting on somones LJ without having a live one of my own.
So ok. I'm back.
-Grey |
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| Done. |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|10:17 am] |
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This Livejournal is no longer live. Its dead. Farewell, have fun. Good luck. |
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